When I forget to stop and rest, my body often reminds me and not always in the nicest or most convenient way. Saturday morning, I was reminded to slow down and take a break through a blood sugar of 45 in the middle of yoga.
I rarely slow down or have time for myself. I love my life and feel blessed to be part of everything I’m involved with, but a plethora of downtime is not part of the gig. I work a full-time job, participate in several church activities, co-chair an outreach committee, volunteer and mentor with my local JDRF, freelance on several writing projects and now I’m part of the new Connect class. In the midst of those responsibilities, I must carve out training time on my bike, find time to walk and play with my dogs and make sure I don’t abandon my friends and their interests.
I love all of these activities and don’t plan to halt any of them. But I must remember I have limitations, and it’s necessary to listen to my body. Saturday came on the heels of a long and active week. I woke up with a packed agenda including yoga, a Hot Shots teen lunch and matinee movie and dinner and a movie with two dear friends — one of whom’s husband is out of the country. Somewhere in the midst of that list, I also needed to carve out time for the dogs, time for my bible study, time to run three errands and try to find a couple of hours to work on one of my freelance projects.
The day started out well. I walked the dogs, enjoyed a few peaceful minutes of study time and then headed out the door for yoga. The so-far-so-good day shifted about halfway through yoga when I checked my CGM. I saw a 92 with a southeast arrow. I felt fine, but then again, I was sweating and breathing hard from the workout. I double checked and saw a 45 on my meter which stopped my downward facing dog in its tracks. I sat Indian-style on my mat and proceded to dig out glucose tabs from my purse without disturbing anyone else. As I sat and ate, I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes and my thoughts began to take over as if they were on a separate runaway train.
Stupid diabetes. Why must it always embarrass me like this? I’m sitting here in a room full of strangers looking like an idiot. Better yet, I bet they think I’m a wuss and can’t finish the entire hour of yoga. I know everyone is looking at me and thinking how weird I am or wondering what’s wrong with me. Stupid diabetes.
My yoga class is at my church, so the teacher plays praise and worship music. I closed my eyes and tried not to panic about the low and tried to ignore the thoughts in my head telling me everyone was staring at me. As Chris Tomlin sang about how faithful God is, it dawned on me: sometimes, I just need to take 15 minutes and breathe. No rushing or running around. No talking or texting or tweeting. No outside world. Just me, my thoughts and my God. As it turns out, that 15 minutes I had in prayer while everyone around me was pretending to be a tree was the best part of the day. I felt clearer and calmer and realized, sometimes, I just need a break.
Saturday, I nearly let a low ruin me. I was moments from a floodgate of tears followed by feelings of self-pity and self-defeat. I ended up not panicking and not over-correcting that low. I finished the last 10 minutes of yoga (just in time to be a tree) and calmly shared my diabetes with the instructor after the class. And as it turns out, no was looking at me or making fun of me like I’d imagined. Go figure.