A week ago, we celebrated Valentine’s Day. I read lots of posts on “love” that day, but this one really stuck with me. I couldn’t get it out of my head, and as I thought about the quote I’d read, it caused me to reflect on my past relationships and mistakes.
At one time, I would’ve told you I regretted those mistakes and those relationships, but I don’t feel that way now. I am incredibly grateful for those relationships. Each shaped me into the woman I am today. They taught me what to look for in a man and what to not look for. Those relationships also taught me how to love and helped me realize how vital it is to have God at the center of any relationship, but especially a romantic one.
As cliche as it may sound, I firmly believe “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” For me, it’s true. Jesus calls us to love others more than we love ourselves — and that includes your significant other! I think back on failed relationships, and I smile as I remember the happier times and what I gained from those situations and those memories. I don’t think about the ugly parts or the end of the relationship. And because I’m able to recognize the good that came from them, I am not afraid to fall in love again. And that is completely a God thing! Only He is capable of changing our hearts!
The following text was written by C.S. Lewis in his book, “The Four Loves” and quoted in the original “Desiring God” blog post I read on Valentine’s Day. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what he said.
Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as “Careful! This might lead you to suffering.”
To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities…
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken’ it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
The Four Loves, (New York, Harcourt, 1960), Kindle Location 1541.