Trying not to care…

Trying not to care is hard. But everyday, I try.

I try not to care how thin I feel in a particular outfit. I try not to care if there are bumps in my ponytail or if my hair is out of place. I try not to care if I have a blemish or a wrinkle or a few extra curves. And not caring about those things is a daily struggle.

I spend a lot of time outdoors, and in nearly every instance I’m sweaty and hot and nowhere close to being put together. But the photographs snapped in those moments always show me laughing and smiling — and those memories are the ones I want to look back on.

I admit I’ve removed photos of myself from online and refused to post others. I’ve edited pictures in Photoshop, and I’ve been embarrassed of how I look more times than I care to admit. Saying it out loud — confessing it — is hard, but I bet I’m not the only one who’s felt this way.

My worth is not defined by a magazine cover or by a photograph or by anyone else’s opinion; it’s defined by Jesus. This I know, but not caring about the rest is the hard part. I help lead a group of high school girls at church to love themselves as they have been made by God. But am I doing the same? It’s humbling to realize you’re not practicing what you’re preaching. And the thing about teenage girls is — they’re watching. Everything. How do I teach them to love themselves and treasure how they are made if I am not doing the same?

These girls are real. They are honest. They have struggles I never had when I was their age. There is more coming at them from more directions than I ever imagined having. It’s hard. So as I teach these girls to love themselves fully, I am learning to do the same.

This video from Dustin Hoffman touches on something I’ve privately felt for years. And this book, written by Annie Downs, is a beautiful reminder of why it’s important to fill our hearts and bodies with good things because what goes in, is what comes out. And today, this post from Ann Voscamp struck another chord. The essence of memorizing Scripture is to be reminded of His promises and truths when we are weak, when we hear the enemy’s lies.

I am beautiful. I am beloved. I am treasured and honored. I am loved and adored.
You are beautiful. You are beloved. You are treasured and honored. You are loved and adored.

The point is that your life is meant to be used up and every wrinkle means you are wringing out the good of the wonder of this thing called life. -Ann Voscamp 

I’ll take the wrinkle if it means I laugh more. I’ll age another year if it means more memories. Growing old is a gift and a beautiful thing; imperfections make us real. Why then, do we run so hard from both?

Maybe we should quit caring so much and stop running so fast.