Finding margin

I really stink at having margin in my life and this week was a clear reminder. As an extrovert, I overbook myself constantly and if FOMO is a real thing, I am certain I have it.

I signed up for a bike race last Sunday in Huntsville. It was a cyclocross race hosted by one of my dear friends and I was going to see all of my old crew. I was so looking forward to it.

But then life happened. On the heels of a long workweek and full calendar, I discovered I needed some car maintenance before heading home for Thanksgiving. Something had to give, and that something was Sunday’s race. My calendar is full until I leave for home. Four hours in a car for a 30-minute race seemed the obvious thing to cut out.

Being an adult can be stressful, and taking care of everything by yourself can be even more stressful. I’m tired, and I need a week home with my family more than most things at the moment. This week, I’m going to stay rushed and busy and fulfill all of my commitments. But then I’m going to go home earlier than planned to watch my sweet niece be the world’s most adorable Native American singing about turkeys in her school play. (No seriously, most adorable ever.) I’m going to sleep in and ride my bike without any pace goals. I’m going to run without any timed intervals. I’m going to swim for the pure enjoyment and without worrying about being late for my next meeting.

I’m going to help my mother put up her Christmas tree and laugh over memories and tacky ornaments. I’m going to go on a run with my brother—our very first one together. I’m going to shop with my sister-in-law and not be in such a hurry. I’m going to take my two youngest nephews go-karting—fulfilling a long-overdue promise—in the chaos that is Pigeon Forge. I’m going to go look at cars with my dad and dream about our next big spend. I’m going to sit in my parents living room and take in the smells of home and the beauty of the mountains.

I’m going to go to the lake, and I’m going to sit underneath that old tree I always loved so much. I’m going to take my journal and my hammock, and I’m just going to write. No cell phone. No iPad. Just my pen and my paper. I’m going to sit with my Bible and read and pray and journal. I’m going to seek Him in the direction of my future and figure out exactly how to move forward. I’m going to seek clarity and guidance, and I’m going to try really hard not to do everything by myself.

I’m going to rest and spend my time doing the things I love with the people I love, and I’m going to find margin in my life again. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but I’m grateful for this life I live. I’m grateful for the peace God offers in the midst of my chaos. I’m grateful for rest, even when I don’t plan for it. Mostly, I am grateful He knows what I need when I don’t. He is full of mercy and grace, and I’m humbled to be at the receiving end of it.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. I pray you find rest and peace in this season of gratefulness and thanksgiving.