Last week was my toughest training week to date. I had two severe lows while swimming on Wednesday and Friday, a 31 and a 29 respectively. I didn’t feel either one, and both cut my workouts short. After my pump died unexpectedly on Wednesday, I spent Thursday with elevated blood sugars and had to skip a bike workout. I wanted to give up on this whole thing several times last week. It’s so much work to do this with T1D, and I am exhausted.
Every time a workout is cut short, or I have to chase a low during a workout or I’m high and have to skip one, I just get so angry. The frustration makes me want to stop training.
But quitting is the easy way out, and in my heart, I know that. Diabetes gives me so many opportunities to be angry, to feel sad, to feel self pity, to stop working so hard. To do those things, to fall into that trap, is the easy thing to do—to give into the fear and the unknown dangers. But to keep fighting, that’s hard. That takes effort and work.
There’s a song I’ve loved for many years by artist Brooke Fraser. Its chorus reads, “…and as I wait for you, maybe I’m made more faithful.” This song has nothing to do with athletics, but maybe it’s how I pursue this triathlon training.
Take the bumps. Take the frustrations. See opportunities for the growth, for the education. Take the lessons and make them applicable for future efforts. Trust the training, trust my coach and trust the course. If we’re not continually growing, then what are we doing? I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to be stretched and eventually reach my next goal. The same is true for diabetes. I want to fight knowing that in the battle, I’m being faithful and understanding the payout will come in the end.
I want to take the tremendous amount of anger and disappointment I felt last week and transform that into motivation. It really is a mindset and takes mental discipline to keep going some days, and the mental aspect is tremendously challenging.
When I set this 70.3 goal two years ago, I knew it would be hard. I had no idea how hard, nor did I know the ways the difficulty would reveal itself or the things I would learn about myself. Never did I realize how my life’s compartments are so connected to overall well-being. Physical to emotional to spiritual. Some days, I want to give up, but that is the easy thing to do. What’s harder is trusting, having faith and staying the course.
With every day comes progress… toward a finish line and toward a cure. Support me in my quest to find both!