I’m just back from another amazing vacation through a National Park, though this one was not a new stamp in my Passport book. I spent five days in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. I partially credit the Smokies for my love of the outdoors. Born and (mostly) raised in East Tennessee, these mountains are home to me and my family.
The first two days of my trip were spent in the company of friends as we hiked the Alum Cave Trail to Mt. Le Conte where we stayed overnight in the cabins at the Lodge. It wasn’t my first time to the summit, but it was my first time staying overnight, and it will most certainly not be my last. It was wonderful, and the hike up was the only day it didn’t rain. We made it to the Lodge before the llamas departed, and it was such a perfect trip with dear friends. The five of us met through East Nasty, a local running group, and we soon discovered we are excellent hiking companions and thus decided to make this an annual tradition!
The last three days of this trip were spent on my own. Just me and my mountains… and So. Much. Rain. It was my first time camping alone, and I think mostly, I wanted to prove I could do it. I had expectations going in, but of course, the trip was drastically different. I learned more about myself than expected, and some of those lessons were surprises.
For example, I learned that my extroverted spirit has a limit of aloneness, and it’s three days. I learned that when your campsite has a resident bear visitor, a falling branch in the middle of the night will scare the crap out of you. I learned that I can still burn a grilled cheese in the forest. (And if a grilled cheese burns in the forest, it does make a smell.) I learned I’m way too dependent on technology and worldly distractions (I missed Netflix. OK, fine, it was Hallmark. I actually missed the Hallmark Channel.)All joking aside, the two biggest lessons I learned involved overcoming fears (solo wilderness exploring brings out the very deepest of fears) and recognizing we really aren’t meant to do life on our own (and I’m not!)
Truthfully, I never imagined I’d still be single in my mid-30s, but here I am. I love my life, and I’ve never stopped exploring on my own. This trip in particular came on the heels of an extremely busy work season and was intended to be one of solitude, prayer and stillness. It was to be a trip of reflection over my past year and one seeking direction for what lies ahead as I start my life as a foster parent.
The first day, I was acutely aware of my singleness. It was a strange feeling because I often hike alone and am never bothered by this. As I tried to navigate where this feeling was originating from, it occurred to me. I’m not alone. The friends and family in my life are my adventurers, maybe even my soulmates. They are the ones there for every tear and every celebration. The ones praying me through this fostering process, the ones who’ve agreed to be my village when a child comes into my life. The ones who’d camp with me if they all weren’t afraid of spiders. (You know who you are.)
Single isn’t an accurate word… because if you count those friendships, I’ve got way more than a plus one. Somehow, it took being in the mountains alone to recognize what I have in front of me. Those friendships are my life blood, and while it sometimes feels like I’m in this alone, I’m not. While I may not be married yet, I am anything but on my own. We weren’t created to be alone; we were created to be relational.
I’m am so grateful for a God that created me to be independent and adventurous, but also to thrive in community and around people. I love having those juxtaposing qualities in my life. Those qualities have allowed me to devote my passions to my career and to take incredible adventures. They’ve allowed me to compete as an endurance athlete and find solace in the alone mental discipline of training. They’ve allowed me to see beauty in an urban community as much as in the vastness and stillness of the mountains.
One of these days, I’ll find someone who fits into this life of adventure. Someone who will camp with me, who will see fostering as a bonus, who let me drag him to every Emmylou show in town and who loves Jesus more than he loves me. (that’s my perfect man, ha!) I still have hope, and these few days of clarity only solidified the relationships I have in my life currently. I’m anything but alone, and until my time for love comes around… I’ll keep roaming with the friends I have by my side. Because in reality, I’m just a wildflower and wildflowers can grow just about anywhere, including East Nashville and the Smokies.