Complications are a known byproduct of diabetes. For more than 18 years, I’ve managed my type 1 diabetes fairly well. In college, I wasn’t as diligent as I should’ve been and I secretly (or not so secretly since I’m blogging it) fear that complications will creep in because of those years I wasn’t cautious. But thankfully, I have always been free and clear of any diabetes-related complications. No signs of diabetic retinopathy. No kidney or liver damage and no blood or circulation issues. Each year, I”ve been grateful for the 100 percent clean bll of health. But Thursday, everything changed.

I have th every begninning stages of diabetic retinopathy. Hearing those words made me want to crawl into a hole and hide. I wanted to burst into tears and go running to my parents. I wished in that moment that my mother and father were sitting next to me. But instead of crying or being angry, I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer and asked the octor questions.

A few of my blood vessels show signs of retinopathy, but they are only in my left eye at this point, and there are only three small places. They do not affect my vision and he said it was extrememly mild but something to be conscious of and pay attention to in the coming years. He also said sometimes it can be a sign of what’s happening in your kidneys. But I happily told him that last month, my kidney function was nromal ans was my liver function. Healthy as a horse except for thatwhole pancreas/beta cell thing.

My human reaction is to go home and cry  over the hardship I might potentially be facing YEARS from now. I wanted to throw a pity party because it’s not fair and I didn’t ask for this life. But I didn’t do any of those things. I am scared because now it’s real. Now, complications are a true, honest and genuine thing, and I am no longer free of them. It is beginning. But I am fine. I am a healthy and active 29-year-old who loves life and won’t let something like this bring her down — not even for a day.

I will pray that God uses this for His glory and that he protect my vision as well as my kidneys. I pray that through His miraculous healing, these small blood vessels reapair themselves. I pray for a full and hapy life lived fr Him, blind or not. I will continue to share my diabetes journey with anyone who will listen, and I will continue to reach out and mentor others walking a simliar path. This, this eye appointment, is a prime example of why it’s so gavely important to take care of yourself. I don’t know if this is because of the years I neglected diabetes of if it’s simply because I’ve had it for 18 years.

But no matter the reason, complications have entered my life. Instaead of letting it ruin my outlook, I’m going to use it as motivation to keep even tighter control and to put my faith in God and God alone.