Until recently, I’ve considered myself a brave and courageous person. I’m not afraid of many things, snakes being the big exception. I am typically peaceful and passive, but when I feel convicted about something, I’m not one to back down. I’m passionate and share my enthusiasm with anyone who will listen. My diabetes advocacy is a prime example of that notion. But when it comes to my faith, to sharing my faith, I am afraid.
It’s easy for me to sit behind this computer screen and share my heart through words. I’m a natural writer, and I went to school to become a better communicator. It’s much easier for me to find words to write than words to speak. I live my life in such a way I hope people are able to see the Gospel through me. I hope the way I love others shows His love. I hope the way I carry myself and conduct myself, both in public and privately, is a testament to how my life is different. The Bible is clear on love and that showing love is the simplest, easiest way to show Christ. It’s my earnest hope for my life to do that.
But sometimes, words are needed. Sometimes, my testimony is required. I know God exists for many reasons, and I believe the word of God is truth for many reasons. Some of that is historical and some of it is theological. But above all of it, I know it’s truth because of what I have experienced in my own heart and in my own life.
So much of who I am and the peace I have for my life comes from God. It’s unexplainable apart from Him. The forgiveness. The peace. The guidance. The trust and faith. I know He is real because of what He’s done in my life. I have so many friends in this life, but most of them don’t hear me talk about the Gospel. They don’t hear me share words of Jesus’ message or about what happens when we surrender our lives to Him.
I don’t talk about what it means to lay my burdens at the foot of the cross. I don’t share words about the beauty of redemption and grace and how His mercies are new everyday. Instead, I keep my faith to myself most days — which is the opposite of what we’re called to do. I’m afraid. Of losing friends. Of being rejected. Of being alone.
But the price of my salvation is worth losing it all. My prize is at the finish line. It’s a narrow road.
I don’t want to be afraid. I want to love the Lord, my God, with all my heart. I want to unabashedly share Him with the world. But I am afraid.
I’m a people-pleaser. I want those around me to be happy. I despise controversy and will almost always avoid tough and uncomfortable conversations.