Breakthrough

Last Thursday, I rode 11 miles around my neighborhood and the hospital district. It was a breakthrough ride, something I very much needed. Time for some honesty: For the past few weeks, I haven’t ridden very often. Each time I did, my mind filled itself with doubt. Each ride was painful and hard, really hard. I had to stop multiple times, and I had continual low blood sugars during the rides. Within the first few miles, I’d want to turn around and go home. And after each ride, I felt defeated instead of victorious. I felt like giving up and apologizing to my donors who have supported me thus far.

I truly didn’t think I could do this — that there was no way I could be prepared for Death Valley in October — that I wasn’t physically capable of riding 105 miles. But Thursday, everything changed.

Within the first few miles, I felt great. I wasn’t out of breath or breathing heavy. I wasn’t sweating profusely. I didn’t think about stopping or turning around. It felt good. The wind was behind me, the sun wasn’t in my eyes and the temperatures were perfect. I felt fantastic riding. During the ride, it occurred to me how absolutely effortless it was, how carefree I felt on the road.

I’d disconnected my pump before the ride because I’d run out of insulin and hadn’t feel like doing a site change. Because of the lack of insulin, I didn’t have a low on the ride. I didn’t have any real inclines, and I know that contributed to the easiness, but I can’t explain how good this ride felt. As I neared home, I’d only hit the eight mile mark, so I kept going. As I turned into the neighborhood behind my complex, three female cyclists rode by. I pulled out behind them and tagged along for a couple of miles. We introduced ourselves, and I shared about JDRF and explained I was a newbie. They were friendly and encouraging.

Riding behind them, I had my first taste of what the October Ride would be like. Riding in a group was great. It was a community effort and we looked out for one another at intersections and cross streets. I liked looking up and seeing jerseys in front of me. I kept up with them, too, which made me feel capable. I realized it was time for me to start riding with friends. I’ve been invited, but declined because I know my pace is well behind that of other riders. But I realized Thursday that I need to be challenged in order to improve. So I’m taking a leap, and I’m going to ride with other cyclists. (Ahem, @rharmstrong77, Blevins, you reading this?)

When I returned home, I stepped off my bike and for the first time, my legs didn’t feel like jello. I wasn’t exhausted or out of breath. I was sweating, but not profusely like usual. It dawned on me that my body was finally adjusting to riding. I was gaining endurance and stamina. I didn’t feel like I was dying after 11 miles. I felt empowered and encouraged.

For the first time since I started this journey, I realized I could actually do this. I could actually ride the entire 105 miles in October.

I fought back tears as I finally gave myself credit for some hard work and the freedom to believe in myself. If I don’t believe in myself, how can I expect others to believe in me?

It was so much more than a short, simple ride, it was a breakthrough. It was a realization that with hard work, perseverance, faith and reliance on Him, I can do this.

Thank you to my supporters and to my friends who are continually encouraging me. And to the mother who donated $100 to my ride, the mother I’ve never met, the mother who said I encouraged her and her daughter, thank you. Each time I’ve felt like giving up, I replay your note in my head and I feel guilty for giving up. Your note and kind words have kept me going more than once, and Thursday, the guilt subsided. I now know I can truly do this. Thank you to all those who are supporting me, whether it be financially, through words of support or through your prayers. Thank you.

I can and will do this. Death Valley, you just don’t know what you’re in for. 🙂

To donate to my Ride, please click this link or the personalized JDRF Ride button in the right column of the site.

Editor’s note: This post was drafted and schedule before Monday. On Sunday afternoon, I rode 26 miles with my friend Eric. It’s the longest ride I’ve made so far and the first ride not alone. It was a fantastic day!