Ever heard that line, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder?” We all know it’s true because what I think is beautiful, you may not and vice versa. But even knowing that, I still struggle with considering myself beautiful. I struggle with my weight and how my figure looks in a particular outfit — asking the mirror if I look fat today? When I apply my make-up in the morning, I wish for a different nose and for less of a baby face. When I see other women, I often envy their looks and appearance. Each time I see a man I consider attractive, I immediately dismiss him telling myself he’d never go for someone like me. And if you take these outward issues, and you add in diabetes, the self-worth becomes even larger of a problem. I have scar tissue on my stomach that will never go away from 18 years of giving shots. My legs and stomach are covered with markings — holes and bruises — from my CGM and insulin pump, not to mention both pieces of equipment are attached to me at all times. That can’t be attractive to a guy, right?
According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, Americans spent $10.7 billion on plastic surgery in 2010. Of that $10.7 billion spent, $8.6 was spent by women — 92 percent of the entire amount. Clearly, I’m not the only woman who has issues with her body and appearance.
I long to be satisfied with who I am because I’m not sure I have ever been completely happy in my own skin. Lately, my thoughts regarding my vanity and self-worth in relation to appearance have been heavy on my heart. It started when I ran across Psalm 139:14 in a bible study: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
God made me. He made everything I love about my body, and He made everything I dislike about my body. But still, God made me and how could anything God made not be beautiful and perfect? After thinking more about it, I combed the bible for more verses on beauty. Here are a few I found:
- “You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.” -Song of Solomon 4:7
My diabetes is not a flaw or an imperfection. It is a gift from God. It’s an asset I’ve chosen to embrace and use to reach others. I long to help people with type 1 diabetes — whether it be by providing supplies, providing encouragement or through example of my own management. I want others to know “You Can Do This” thing! It’s a 24/7 disease, and it can be overwhelming at times. And because there’s no diabetes vacation, burnout is inevitable for most. It’s OK to be weary and tired, but it’s not OK to consider it a flaw. My life with diabetes is another way to reach others — to love others.
- “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” -Proverbs 31:30
How true is that verse? When has an 85-year-old woman been on the cover of Vogue? She hasn’t because an elderly woman isn’t considered beautiful by the world’s standards. But a God-fearing 85-year-old woman who spent her life celebrating and sharing God is beautiful indeed. I want to be that woman — not a broken shell who spent her life worrying about her appearance and vanity.
- “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7
I want my heart to be more beautiful than my outward appearance, I truly do. It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop dressing nicely or that I’m going to quit wearing make-up. But it does mean I’m going to try my best not to worry as much about it as I have in the past. I’m going to focus on me as a person — me on the inside — my heart. I don’t yet know who I am going to share the rest of my life with, but I do know he will love me just as I am. He will love my nose, my physical scars from diabetes, my bionic parts won’t bother him and if I gain a few pounds down the road, I’ll still be beautiful to him.
So I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. In that case, I am beautiful.
And so are you!
Lately I’ve really been looking forward to reading your posts…they’re so encouraging and have motivated me to spend more time focusing on God instead of whats happening at any given moment…
Thanks 🙂
Thank you Steph! If I can ever help you, don’t hesitate to let me know! I’ll keep you in my prayers as you look more toward God.