Sometimes, I have no idea what God is doing in my life. I know He’s teaching me or preparing me for something, but it’s not always clear what or why. But other times, I clearly see what He’s teaching me or showing me. And often times, when I see the lesson clearly laid out before me, it seems harder to learn. That’s where I am in this season of life.
Right now I want something from God. It’s something big, and it’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’ve prayed and asked God for this thing for a long time, but yet, I still remain without it. So many times, I’ve desperately called out to God asking why? But lately, through various ways, I have begun to recognize why I haven’t received what I’ve been longing for. You see, God wants us to love Him above all else and greater than all else. He selfishly wants our whole hearts and longs for our love. As hard as it is to admit; I know that if He were to give me the thing I’ve been asking for, He wouldn’t be the focus in my life. That’s a sobering (and humbling) thing to realize.
The thing I want is something big, something important and something that I believe I will be given eventually. But if I were to be given that thing in this season of my life, it would become my focus. I would put God, my study time and my prayer time on the sidelines and focus mostly on the thing. I’d like to say I wouldn’t do that and that God is the No. 1 thing in my life and will always be, but I recognize my weakness. The thing would be my priority, not God.
About a week and a half ago, my apartment flooded. That became the temporary focus of my world. I still prayed, I still went to church and I still had my devotional. But I was distracted through all of it. My focus was not on Him. The story of Job demonstrates great faith — something I struggle with some days. I ask “why me” instead of saying “use me.” When I ask for the thing(s) I want, I do so selfishly because it’s an earthly want and/or desire. I should be asking God for things so that they can be used for His glory, not because it’s something I want for myself.
Another passage I’ve been in lately is Isaiah. There are so many examples of kings having idols which don’t glorify God during Isaiah’s time. Those idols take away focus from Him. This thing that I so desperately want, is my idol. It’s taking my focus off of Jesus and putting it on something else — something worldly. So many times, I’m reminded of this through various outlets, yet I remain blind to what He is showing me. But about a week ago, I was blindsided through His word. It felt like a sucker punch to the gut. I just looked up and said, “OK Jesus. I hear you.”
From then on, my outlook changed. It’s not an overnight thing by any means, but I recognize why my prayers aren’t being answered the way I want right now — I’m not ready. He knows that. Which again, goes to show you that all things work for His glory and in His time. So I wait and not always so patiently, but I’m working on it. Realizing what God is doing in my life has been a journey, but I love seeing it, even if it’s not what I’d like in my own time.
I’m so grateful for the blessings in my life, and I’m grateful for the hard stuff, too. The difficult times are the ones where I come out stronger and closer to God. And if I weren’t so stubborn and self-fulfilling, I’d learn these types of lessons sooner and with much less difficulty. One day, I will learn to completely trust Him with EVERYTHING. I am definitely a work in progress; that’s a given. Thank God for His patience, His love and His forgiveness.
I too have been waiting for something big from God for a long time now. Sometimes I put it aside but it always comes back. I believe that God put that dream in my heart and He is the one that keeps bringing it back when I try to push it aside. When I start getting impatient about waiting, I remind myself of Abraham and Sarah and how long they had to wait to have a baby and even had one when it seemed impossible. Like you, I believe that I am not quite ready for God to answer my prayer but I also believe that it will happen. I hope that you don’t have to wait too much longer for your prayers to be answered.
Hi Victoria – I think you hit the nail on the head when you asked, ‘“why me” instead of saying “use me.”’I mentioned in Sunday School recently that I thought God was the best personal trainer anyone could ever have. I am truly thankful for the difficult situations He led me through. Not that I would want to go through them again by any means, but I like what happened to me as I emerged on the other side of the challenge. Just finished reading John Ortberg’s book, “The Me I Want To Be”, and he suggests that we ask God for a mountain. The trials, seemingly unanswered prayers, and disappointments help us become exactly who we are meant to be. And from that, we will have a Divine Purpose to complete for Him. I love your thoughts and look forward to reading more posts. Blessings to you! Janet
Great post, Victoria. Here’s to finding that focus in whatever way He sees fit, on his own timing. That’s the toughest thing, I think, is recognizing that it’s not what we see as “timely” but rather whatever the grander plan may be. And sometimes we need that sucker punch or kick in the head to realize what the signs are right before our eyes. You’ve also motivated me to re-read Isaiah. So, thanks for sharing this.